“We are teaching our eyes to see the brightest parts of each others’ souls.”

I wish I could remember when I wrote that. But that’s how it goes: inspiration hits, and in a flash, it’s gone. To me, the little sentence or chains of thoughts clash like strikes of lightning. I can almost hear the distant thunder and then flash! I have a thought, I reach for a piece of paper or make a memo in my phone. There’s the panic to get the idea recorded before it vanishes just as quickly as it appeared.

There’s a fluid line of connection between the mind, the heart, and the soul. The heart and soul seem naturally connected to me. Somehow I think of them synonymously. Then again there is the importance of context. If I am talking about my cardiovascular fitness, I do not think man my heart was really pounding (hence my soul was really pounding). Rather, when I think of heart and soul, I think of emotions, sentiments, desires; those fickle, inconsistent “things” we must deal with.

As a woman, I naturally relate with the common stereotype that I am far more emotional than a man. It’s okay society, I can handle it. I am not insulted that you think I am a vulnerable being. Being a vulnerable being is a beautiful thing. Allowing yourself to feel is what you are, indeed, supposed to do. I just don’t see how it could be a bad thing. The time when I have a problem with society’s projection of stereotypes on me, is when it leads to other assumptions, or misinterpretations. (“Women cannot handle difficult jobs like being in the army or working as a police officer because they’re just so fragile and emotional.”)

My heart and soul make my mind a mess. Ain’t that something? What is it that makes us crazy when we fall so hopelessly in love with someone? I don’t know if anyone will ever fully understand it.

I started off such an optimist in the love department. Of course I thought these fairytale stories come true: I was young, sweet, and naive. I’ll always be a dreamer. I make up scenarios and let them play out in my head. They seep into my dreams and it all feels so real until I open my eyes, saddened to face true reality.

It’s okay though, we’re only human. You are only human. I have to remind myself. You never meant to hurt me. It’s you, I know it wasn’t your intention. You always meant to do right by me. It’s just that so many things got in the way and since you never told me the real truth behind all the confusing events I had to fill in the blanks myself. That’s where it all went wrong. I filled in those blanks with my hopes, my dreams, my utmost desires and I became lost in it. I couldn’t remember where to draw the line.

{To Be Continued…}


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